You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize