I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
