Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
