he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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