He asked me if I "almost moaned"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
