Buhtt sex?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
