She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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