Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
