And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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