last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
