I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
