i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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