You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize