I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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