And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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