I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
