I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
