is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
