Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
