theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
