Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
