I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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