My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
