He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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