My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
