it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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