Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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