im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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