she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
