I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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