so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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