I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize