Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
