Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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