I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
