Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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