Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
