who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Michael Bay diarrhea
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i've created a new STD.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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