you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
