i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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