her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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