Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
