I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
