Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
