The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
