apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
