Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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