I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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