great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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