is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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