i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
