the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
