i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
