It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
