My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So many bounce houses so little time
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize