You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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