when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
