He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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