Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
