I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
