I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
