just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
