Cold hands, warm shart.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
