I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He felt like a one man threesome
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
