I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
