this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
