don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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