I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
