New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You were trust falling into bushes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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