Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
