I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize