May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
