...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Randomize
