Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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