The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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