HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
