Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
