hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
