I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
