she looked like the bat from fern gully.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize