your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
