smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize