you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
