Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
