He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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