maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
