Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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