If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize