thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
