i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize