He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
