you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
