how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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