Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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