the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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