Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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