Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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