Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
