Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
