i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
