I want to make a zoo with you.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
