I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
