so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
