you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My vagina just recognized that song.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
