I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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