she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
