i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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