So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
