Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
