I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
