they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
