If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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