he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
