where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
