so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize