we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
