Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
