Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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